Cut Your Losses
by God and the Fox
Summary: They all lost something in the war, and they all had to remember it. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and find comfort where you can.
1. Memories

The sun was setting over Karakura town, it's fading rays casting an orange light over the man lying on top of his roof. He had taken to watching the sunset up here, and he would often stay in that same spot late into the night watching the stars come out. The other's had long ago learned not to bother him when he was here. It was his shelter for awhile, a place to reflect on far too many things. A cigarette dangled out of his lips, nearly forgotten in the weight of his memories. The Winter War was over, but the physical battles had been nothing compared to what they were all dealing with now. Everyone had lost something. For Kisuke, the loss ran deep, a crack in his soul that was unknown to any living creature. The only person who ever could have known was dead now. Aizen Sousuke: the man that most of Seiritei would forever label as a traitor, but the man that, for nearly a century, Kisuke had called a lover. It was those times that haunted him now. The memories seemed so fresh to him, sometimes feeling more real than the present that he was living in.

_It was graduation day at the academy, and final exams scores were posted on the wall in the main hallway. Kisuke walked purposefully up to them, secretly eager to see his score. He was a prodigy by anyone's standards, graduating a full two years ahead of schedule. He knew that his professors tended to grade him ever more harshly than other students because of that. Even so, he expected that he would be at the top of the class. He usually was, even though he put very little effort into his schoolwork. As he walked down the hallway he had to wade through the crowd of people who had already reached the lists, pulling their fingers down them in order to find their names. Kisuke sighed inaudibly with frustration. He knew he should have gotten here earlier in order to avoid all the other students, but he had been up late working on an experiment, and he just couldn't be bothered to get up this morning. He would have to wait. _

_ "Oh, I am so sorry. Are you alright?"_

_ Kisuke looked up, startled, at the sound of his lover's voice. Sousuke was standing a few feet in front of him, apologizing to another student whom he had accidentally bumped into. _

_ "No, no, it's alright, Aizen-san. No harm done. I know how pushy people can get when trying to look at the scores." The student, who's name Kisuke didn't know, laughed lightly. "Speaking of, have you seen your score yet?"_

_ Sousuke smiled politely. "No, I haven't. I was just about to look for it." He turned to Kisuke. "Have you seen yours yet, Ki?"_

_ Kisuke shook his head. "I've been trying, but these people", he gestured to the mass of students jammed against the wall "seem to have beat me to it."_

_ Sousuke smiled, and stifled a laugh. "Alright, shall we look, then?"_

_ Kisuke nodded at him. _

_ Sousuke cleared his throat softly. "Excuse me." The handful of people nearest to him turned around to look at him. "Ki and I need to see our scores. Could you please let us through for a moment?" His tone was as courteous as always, and everyone responded positively. He always seemed to have that effect on people. The crowd began to move aside to make way for the two of them. _

_ They walked up to the papers and began looking through them to find their names. They knew __they would be very near to the top, so they started there. In fact, Kisuke was the second person on the list, ranking below only one person in the entire class of hundreds. The single name above his was one that he knew intimately: Aizen, Sousuke. _

_ He smiled and turned to him. "Congratulations! You got the top score! Man, I don't know how you managed to beat me." He smiled wider and put on a joking tone. _

_ "Thank you." Sousuke knew him well enough to know that he was faking. Kisuke was a bit upset at having come second, and his lover knew it. "But I'm sure you were very close behind. You're brilliant, after all."_

_ Kisuke blushed at the praise, but it did make him feel a bit better. Sousuke leaned forward and kissed him on the top of the head, a subtle show of affection to re-affirm his words. Kisuke pulled away from him._

_ "Come on. Other people are waiting, and we need to go change into our uniforms."_

_ Sousuke agreed, taking Kisuke's hand and leading him out of the throng of people still fighting toward the papers on the wall. Kisuke was quiet for a few minutes as they walked._

_ "How did you do it?"_

_ "Hm?" Sousuke looked up at him, pulled out of his own thoughts._

_ "How did you beat me? I've never had anything but the top score before."_

_ Sousuke thought about it for a moment. "I don't know, Ki. I can't say I have some big secret. I just...did, I guess."_

_ Kisuke made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat, still a bit sour about the grades._

_ Sousuke smiled. "I suppose it's just because I hang around you so much. All that intelligence must have rubbed off on me."_

_ Kisuke couldn't hold back a laugh. "That has to be it. You sapped the brains right out of me. Besides, I didn't get much rest the night before exams. I was working."_

_ Sousuke raised his eyebrows. "Another one of your experiments?"_

_ "C'mon, don't say it like that", Kisuke whined. "It's not like they're toys."_

_ Sousuke's tone was amused. "Alright. Then what were you making this time?"_

_ Kisuke immediately brightened at being able to talk about his research. "I'm developing a kido that helps to regulate body temperature. It could keep you warm in a cold climate, or cool in a hot climate. It would be perfect for fighting, especially in the winter, or in Hueco Mundo, because you wouldn't have to wear cumbersome layers to keep up your body heat."_

_ Sousuke nodded thoughtfully. "That does sound helpful. Did anything come of it?"_

_ Kisuke shook his head. "No, not yet. It's not easy developing new kido. It's stressful not only on my brain, but also on my energy. I have to test it out repeatedly, and you know how firing kido repeatedly drains you."_

_ "It does."_

_ Kisuke kept talking. "And I have to wait and work on it at night, when all the patrols are lax. They tend to frown upon students doing unauthorized kido."_

_ "You mean blowing things up."_

_ Kisuke pretended to be offended. "I'm not blowing things up! I'm doing this for the sake of science!"_

_ Sousuke raised an eyebrow. "And how many of your attempts 'for science' caused an explosion?"_

_ Kisuke was silent for a moment. Sousuke waited patiently. "Well...about fifty of them. But that isn't that many!"_

_ Sousuke laughed aloud. "Not that many, right. How long have you been working on this one?"_

_ Kisuke sighed. "A couple of months now."_

_ Sousuke was impressed. "That's a long time for you. I'm surprised you've kept at it for this long."_

_ "Well, what can I say, I've got a lot of stamina." Kisuke smirked at him. _

_ "Hmm, want to test that?"_

_ "Do we have time?"_

_ "We can make time. Everyone is still looking at grades – we won't be missed until the ceremony starts in another hour."_

_ "True. Where are we going?"_

_ "Your dorm. It's closest."_

_ "'Kay." _

_ Without further words, the two of them began walking faster to get to Kisuke's room as quickly as they could. They shut the door behind them and immediately began pulling off each other's clothes. They kissed passionately, then fell on the bed together, molding their bodies around one another. _

_ Once they were finished, Kisuke lay on Sousuke's chest contentedly, listening to his heartbeat. Sousuke's fingers were idly running through the blond man's hair. They both breathed evenly. Kisuke __moved closer, snuggled up to the warm body beside him. He always loved cuddling, especially after sex. Sousuke smiled and wrapped his arm around the smaller body at his side. Kisuke smiled._

_ "I love you, Sou."_

_ The response was immediate. "Love you too, Ki."_

Sousuke's voice echoed in his head as Kisuke pulled himself out of the memory. He pulled one hand up to his cheek to find that they were dry. It had taken him a year, but he had finally broken the habit of crying over these things. He took a drag of his cigarette, inhaling deeply, then pushed the smoke back out past his lips. He flicked his ashes off the edge of the roof. He sat up. It was getting late, and he might as well go inside and get some sleep.

Ichigo pushed his bowl away from him and stood up from his chair. "Thanks for dinner, Yuzu. It was delicious."

"Oh! You're welcome! Do you want some dessert?"

"Nah." He threw up a hand behind him in a wave as he began walking up the stairs to his room. He slid his shoes off by the door and flopped down heavily on his bed. He was tired. His head swam with the strain of everything that he had done today. He had killed several high level Hollows who had been working together. His energy was nearly depleted.

In the War, all of his friends had died. Rukia, Renji, Chad, Ishida, Inoue – all of them were gone. In addition, the shinigami population had been nearly halved. There were no extra soldiers around, so Ichigo alone had been put in charge of keeping Karakura town free of hollows. The work was a lot less demanding now that the War was over, but it still wasn't easy. No one else wanted the job because the town reeked of bad memories for them. He had to wonder why they thought it would be any different for him. But, since he lived here anyway, and he did want to protect the town and the people in it, he agreed to the job.

Work kept him busy most of the time, but there were slow days, and there were always the nights. He was lonely. He had graduated high school the year before, somehow making up all the work he had missed during the War, and now he had no school friends to talk to. He spent time with his sisters, but he couldn't really talk to them. They were too innocent. After finding out that his father was a shinigami, Ichigo had hoped that the man would start acting like an adult, and they could build a true relationship. That hope had been dashed soon after the War was over. Isshin didn't lie about what had happened, but he still acted just as much like a child as he always had. Ichigo was alone. He closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep quickly tonight. The dream came upon him unexpectedly, the memory achingly clear.

_The sand of Hueco Mundo were red, stained with the blood of so many – himself, his friends, and his foes. There had been too much bloodshed here, and he knew that there would be more before it was all over. He was so tired. His body was broken. He could barely lift himself off the ground anymore, but he kept trying. He didn't have a choice. He had to win, because he had to protect his __friends. That was how it had always been. He put his weight on his sword and pushed himself up off the ground. Yammy was still bellowing._

_ "YOU FOOLS! I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL!"_

_ Ichigo rolled his eyes. Wouldn't this guy give it a rest? He was tired of all the speeches, all the drama surrounding these fights. He just wanted to end this, take his friends, and go home. He didn't want to fight anymore. He rushed at the Espada again, swinging his sword widely at his stomach, hoping to slash him open. Yammy's arm came out quickly and slammed him backwards through the air, just like it had every time before. He hit the ground hard, but forced himself to get back up. The giant was lumbering toward him. _

_ "Is that the best you can do?" Yammy laughed. _

_ "You wish!" Ichigo yelled back, running at him again. He pulled his sword back and prepared to strike. Then, at the last moment before he reached the enemy, he changed his trajectory and jumped high into the air. Yammy looked up into the sky, confused._

_ Ichigo lifted his blade. "Getsuga Tensho!"_

_ The blast of energy rushed toward the Espada quickly, but he brushed it aside. He threw his fist in the air and caught Ichigo directly in the face. The teen fell to the ground, panting for breath. Yammy was stomping toward him again. The Espada reached him, and threw a large fist into his stomach. As he lay there fighting for breath, he saw Yammy's mouth open. He flinched. Moments later, a red cero came rushing toward him. He had no chance to move. It hit him full force. His eyes wouldn't open. He couldn't get off the ground. From his prone position, he heard Rukia's voice nearby. _

_ "Tsugi no mai! Hakuren!" The sound of her ice wall building filled his ears, followed almost immediately by the same ice shattering as Yammy let out a roar. _

_ "Do you think that's enough to faze me, bitch?" _

_ Rukia screamed. Ichigo forced himself to open his eyes. His vision blurred. He tried to stand. He couldn't do it. Rukia was still screaming. _

_ "I'll kill you, you ant!"_

_ Rukia screamed one last time, then Ichigo felt her reiatsu vanish. She was dead._

He woke from the fitful dream quickly and opened his eyes wide to stare at the ceiling. There would be no more sleep tonight.


	2. Secrets

After staring at the ceiling for awhile, Ichigo sighed and rolled over. He looked at the clock glowing on the table beside his bed, the red light telling him that it was 3:00. He growled at it lightly before swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He pushed his orange hair behind his ear, then took one last look at his bedroom, his eyes automatically noticing the emptiness there – there was no petite Shinigami in his closet, or an irate stuffed bear screaming at him. He couldn't believe he actually missed Kon. He opened his window and jumped gracefully to the ground.

His feet hit the ground with a thud and he stretched out his body that had cramped up from lying still in his narrow bed for so long. It felt good to be outside in the cold night air, and he began walking, going wherever his feet chose to take him. The earth passed slowly beneath him as he meandered along the road outside his house, hands jammed inside his jacket pockets to protect them the cold. He forced himself to breathe slowly and evenly from deep in his stomach, just the way that Urahara had taught him when the older man had been teaching him to fight. Ichigo had had years of karate training, but for some reason he had never learned just how helpful correct breathing was, not only to fighting but to living healthily. It was truly a valuable skill to have.

His thoughts drifted to the shop keeper. Ichigo remembered how quickly the man could go from that joking facade of a light-hearted pervert to a serious, deadly fighter in seconds. Ichigo respected him for that just as much as for his skill in fighting. The man had taught Ichigo almost everything he knew, excluding the specific attacks that only his zanpakuto could have taught him. Ichigo remembered the many training sessions fondly. Urahara had never gone easy on him – in fact, the man was the first one to teach Ichigo about the concept of killing intent, and he believed experience to be the best teacher. Despite that, even the fights with the man had felt companionate, like a friendship. True friendship had always been hard to find, and it happened to be even more of a commodity these days.

Without a conscious decision, his feet turned toward the shop where he knew Urahara still lived. He hadn't visited him since after the war, when the man had bandaged him up after his fight with Aizen, but he knew that not much had changed. Urahara, Tessai, and the kids had all survived, though with injuries, and they stayed in the same place. Even after the sou-taicho had lifted their ban, Karakura town had become too much of a home for them to leave. They were one of the single constants in his chaotic life.

He sped up as he approached, but slowed down drastically once the shop was in sight and he remembered what time it was. What was he thinking, showing up at someone else's house at this hour? Surely, everyone would be sleeping. He was about to turn back around to go home, or at least to walk some more, when he noticed that there were lights on inside. Maybe someone was awake after all. Even if it was only Tessai, it would at least be worth it to have someone to talk to besides his sisters, and his father who only ever acted like a child. He did hope that it was Urahara, though. Ichigo felt most comfortable with him, and he had some things he wanted to talk about it. His nightmares had been getting worse lately, always too-vivid memories of the War; he wondered if anyone else had been dreaming, and if they had found a cure for it.

He walked up to the door and was about to knock when he paused with his fist just in front of the wood. Through the window, he could see the blond-haired shopkeeper sitting at the table. He was alone there, with a half-empty bottle of sake held tightly in his hand. But what made Ichigo stop was a sight that he had never seen before, and had never expected to – Urahara, the man who was always so strong, and so jovial, was crying.

Ichigo dropped his hand back to his side and turned around as quietly as he could, walking back down the road into the woods. He tried to hurry without letting his emotions get out of hand. It was obvious that Urahara didn't want any visitors right now, and Ichigo didn't want the man to wake from his stupor and notice the reiatsu hanging about the outside of his house. He would know it was Ichigo, of course, but he didn't want the man to feel pressured to invite him inside.

Instead, he walked farther away from the house and back on the path toward home. It wasn't far to his house, and he reached it quickly. He looked up at the closed windows and light-less rooms, then shoved his hands back into his pockets and kept walking. He knew that he wouldn't find any more peace there than he had earlier in the night. He relaxed his shoulders and began to hum to himself. It was a light tune that he couldn't quite place – one that he knew he'd heard before, but he just wasn't sure where. He pushed against the corners of his mind trying to figure it out. He bit the inside of his lower lip softly as he thought about it, then stiffened as he remembered.

_His eyes were closed and he was curled up in his bed, snugly buried under layers of covers. He was warm and tired, and he had had a good day. Unlike most children he knew, he had always liked bedtime. It was relaxing. _

_ "Are you ready?" His mother's voice tinkled above him and he smiled._

_ Without opening his eyes, he answered groggily. "Mhmm."_

_ She smiled above him, then began humming a soft tune that he hadn't heard before. It was incredibly pretty, and he was amazed at how pure her voice sounded. He opened his tired eyes into slits and looked up at her. She was smiling, looking kindly down at him, and her golden hair cascaded down her shoulders. He smiled widely at the sight. _

_ "Love you, mama."_

_ She stopped humming. "I love you too, Ichigo. Go to sleep now, alright? We have a big day tomorrow."_

_ He nodded. He adored his mother, and would always do anything that she asked of him. He wanted so badly to make her happy. He closed his eyes again, and he heard the humming start back up. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep._

"Mom..." Ichigo said softly, his voice trailing off into the chilly night. During the War, he had often been too busy to think about Masaki, but she had never faded completely from his mind. How could she? Now that his daily life consisted almost solely of memories, most of them negative, her face was finding it's way back into his mind more often. He had been unconscious at the time, and hadn't seen her die, but his mind was good at making up plenty of images for him to see. Those seemed just as real as if his eyes had been open.

Even so, the memories weren't all bad. Sometimes small things would trigger happy memories, like the song that he had found himself humming tonight. He missed his mother terribly, but she did leave him with good feelings. She had loved him unconditionally and given him strength, and he would never forget that. He smiled to himself. He knew that even when he felt alone, her memory would help him through.

Thinking of her, his sadness seemed to lift away a bit. He decided to go back home to try again to get some rest. It was late, and he was tired. He let himself walk in that direction. It was a quick walk, now that the weight on his shoulders didn't seem as heavy. He thought that he might even try to get a bit more sleep before day broke. He opened the front door and slipped through it quietly, pushing it closed gently behind him.

He turned to the stairs to walk up to his room, but then stopped mid-step. His father was sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room with his arms around his knees. He was silent and calm for once as he looked up at his son wordlessly. Ichigo wasn't sure what to do. He had very rarely seen his father like this; he was only this serious on the anniversary of his mother's death and...and during the War, when he had fought alongside the shinigami to defeat Aizen. He wasn't prepared to deal with this man whom he didn't know. He almost wanted to pretend not to see him and continue up to his room, but he knew that would be rude, and this was probably a valuable opportunity to talk to his dad like a real adult. He sighed heavily and sat down on the opposite side of the couch.

"Hey."

Isshin's eyes never left his son's. "Hey."

"I...uh...took a walk." Ichigo was suddenly embarrassed, realizing that his father had technically just caught him sneaking back in during the middle of the night.

Isshin nodded. "It's fine. I can't really call you a kid anymore, after all this." They were silent for a moment as they both sat with their own thoughts. "I...guess I owe you an apology. For not telling you before. For never being there."

Ichigo shook his head slightly. "Like I said before, I'm sure you had your reasons. I never would have forced you to tell me. It's your own story to tell."

"I was a bit ashamed of it, but it's out now. If there's anything you want to know, I'll tell you."

"You were a captain, right?"

"Yeah. Of the third, before that bastard Ichimaru."

His son smirked slightly. "What was like up there, in Seiritei? Was it different?"

"Different from when? From when you and your friends recklessly rushed in there to your deaths, or different from when Aizen and his lackeys betrayed them and threw the entire thing into chaos?"

"Er." He was at a momentary loss for words. He supposed that he should have, but he hadn't realized that his father knew that much about his history with the shinigami.

"I guess it doesn't matter. It wasn't really different. I was different. Younger and dumber."

"So what changed? Why did you leave?"

It was Isshin's turn to be silent as he ruminated on the past. This was a story that he hadn't told in a long time and hadn't planned on ever telling again, but if anyone had a right to know it, it was the boy – no, man – sitting in front of him now. He took a deep breath before speaking. "I was on vacation in the human world. It was here, in Karakura town. No one knew about the town back then. It was just a little place in the middle of nowhere, which was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to get away from things for awhile. I stayed at a hotel just a few streets down from here. It's not standing anymore. That was a long time ago." He shook his head to clear it. "Anyway, about halfway through the vacation I decided to go out to a cafe, just to get some fresh air and truly experience the human world. The food was great. But, more importantly...I met a woman. The most beautiful, amazing woman I had ever come across. I had never cared about women before. But now, this woman...it was love at first sight. She just had this light about her. Masaki..." He trailed off.

"Mom?"

"Yeah. She was working there as a waitress. She looked so damn cute in that little uniform. And she was sweet. Masaki was always nice to everyone, even those who were rude to her. You probably remember that about her."

"Yeah", Ichigo agreed. "Not that I can really remember anyone being mean to her. She was too sweet for that."

"She was. She was so kind."

"So what did this waitress have to do with the Shinigami?"

"Nothing. That's exactly the point. I fell in love with her, and I wanted to be with her. I couldn't bring her to Seiritei, of course. She wouldn't survive it. So I decided to resign, to leave the entire place behind. They weren't happy, of course, but it was all worth it to be with her."

"You left...for mom?" He hadn't expected that at all.

"Yeah. What other reason would I have? I gave up my powers and turned human."

"Why...why didn't you tell me before? During the beginning of the War, when I was training, even back when I was a kid and I was seeing all the spirits. You denied even being able to tell that they were there. That was a lie, wasn't it?"

"It was. As for why...that's a complicated question. I thought it was justified back then, but I'm not so sure anymore. I was trying to protect you, Ichigo. I didn't want you to have to get involved in my old life, with the Shinigami. I wanted you to be able to live a normal life, just as a human boy. Even after all of this started, I foolishly thought that it would all go away if I just closed my eyes."

"But you knew about all of it, even the part where I went to save Rukia. How...how did you know about that? Were you friggin spying on me?" He growled. "What happened to thinking that I'm not a kid?"

Isshin laughed without humor. "No, not spying. I know you're not a kid, Ichigo. You haven't been a kid for many years. Think about it. You already know the answer."

"Huh?"

"Kisuke."

"Kisuke?" he repeated dumbly.

"Yeah, Kisuke. You know at least loosely about his history, right?"

"Yeah, he was a captain, too. Oh." It started to come together for him. "You two knew each other back then?"

"We did. We were very good friends. The thing is, we still are. We're still really close. The whole time, even back then, when he gave you back your Shinigami powers, we were in contact. I knew what was going on with you the entire time. He kept me updated."

"Oh." Ichigo didn't know what to say. That was unexpected. He thought about the man – about how he had trained him, and all of the experiences they had had together. He realized just how little he really knew about the man he called his mentor. He thought back to earlier that night when he had seen him crying. He knew that he wasn't meant to see that. He very briefly considered bringing it up to his father, but he decided against it instantly. Even if they were close, it wasn't his place to talk about that.

"Ichigo..."

"Yeah?" He realized that he had been lost in his thoughts for a bit too long and his father had been staring at him intently.

"I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you or to make things harder on you. I did what I thought was best at the time, and it turned out that it was dumb."

"No." Ichigo shook his head. "There's nothing you need to apologize for. Like you said, you did what you thought was best for me, for this family, and no one could have asked anything else of you. So don't apologize."

Isshin was silent.

"Alright." Ichigo stood up and glanced at the clock. "It's late. Let's go to bed. I think we've had enough of all this soul searching for tonight."

Isshin stood up as well. "Yeah. Let's go get some sleep."

They both went up the stairs to their respective beds. Ichigo lay down in the dark and closed his eyes, hoping for some rest. Thankfully, it came – a dark, dreamless sleep. He slept through the rest of the night.

A/n: It was brought to my attention that in the last chapter, there was no division between the two different pov's. That was an issue with formatting, and it will be fixed in the future. Reviews are highly appreciated.


	3. Friends

"No fair! It's your turn to do the dishes!"

Kisuke opened his eyes groggily at the sound of Jinta screaming moodily at Ururu. Even after the War, some things hadn't changed.

"Oh, alright." Ururu responded calmly, the same way that she always did. Kisuke knew that when he did make his way into the kitchen, he would find the poor girl doing the dishes, even though he knew for a fact that it was actually Jinta's turn. The boy slacked off far too much.

"It's not nice to lie, Jinta." Tessai's deep voice boomed out from the kitchen, and Kisuke smiled to himself. That would solve the problem.

"Oh...uh..." Jinta stuttered.

"Do the dishes."

Jinta grumbled, but Kisuke could hear him begin to do the chore that he had been told to. Kisuke closed his eyes again and snuggled deeper under his covers. He was tired, and he was glad that he wouldn't have to get up just yet. Tessai could handle the kids on his own. The door slid open with a thump, but Kisuke resolutely remained motionless.

"Boss." Kisuke was silent, refusing to acknowledge Tessai. "Boss, I know you're awake."

Kisuke groaned. "Says who?"

Tessai ignored his complaints. "Get up. It's 10 o clock."

Kisuke kept his eyes shut. "Dun wanna."

"Breakfast is on the table." Tessai shut the door without another word.

Kisuke turned over and opened his eyes again, staring at the now shut door where Tessai had just stood. He didn't want to get up, but he knew that the other man was right. It was almost lunch time, and if he didn't get up soon, Jinta would be in to bug him. He wasn't a morning person at the best of times, and after the night he had had, he wasn't in the mood to deal with the brat. He threw the covers off himself and shuffled into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, noticing the growing bluish-black bags that had gathered under his eyes. He hadn't been getting nearly enough sleep lately.

"Pull yourself together, Kisuke", he said to his reflection. He washed his face, then proceeded to get dressed for the day. There was a knock at the door.

"Boss?"

"Coming, Tessai."

"You have a visitor, Boss."

"Hm?" He let his senses expand and belatedly noticed that Ichigo was sitting in his kitchen. How could he not have noticed such a strong reiatsu? He must really be slipping. He shook his head. "Alright. Tell him I'll be there in just a minute."

Tessai's footsteps faded back down the hallway. Kisuke wondered about his student's presence. He hadn't seen the boy since the War ended, and he almost would have thought he had been avoiding him. It was understandable, though. They all had their own demons to deal with, and Ichigo had even more than most. He probably didn't want to come to this place where the memories were even stronger. His training area still held faint traces of his old friends reiatsu, after all. That still begged the question of what the boy was doing here now. He slipped his hat on his head and headed out to the kitchen to find out.

"Kurosaki-kun! What a pleasant surprise!" The shopkeeper emerged into the kitchen joyfully, immediately sitting down at the table across from his pupil. He opened his fan across his face to hide his not-quite controlled expression. "Just couldn't stay away from my dashing good looks any longer, eh?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes lightly. "You wish, pervert."

Kisuke recoiled in mock hurt. "Who, me? I'm offended, Kurosaki-kun!"

Ichigo grunted in amusement, waiting for the man to end his show.

Kisuke waived the fan once more before shutting it and putting it back into his pocket. "What brings you here?"

Ichigo looked up at him. "What, can't visit an old friend?"

Friend? Kisuke noticed the term immediately. Though he thought that they were somewhat friends, Ichigo had never referred to him as such before. He let it slide by, preferring not to comment until he was more aware of the situation. "Of course you are, but that's not the real reason, is it?"

Ichigo looked up at him and finally made eye contact. Kisuke noticed that his eyes were darker than before, far more serious. When Ichigo spoke, all joking was gone from his tone. "It's been half a year, Urahara-san. Shouldn't I be over it by now?"

Kisuke's gaze darkened as well and he pulled his hat down to shade his eyes. He should have expected this topic of conversation, but he hadn't. He didn't know exactly what to say, so he decided to go with honesty. "It doesn't just go away, Kurosaki-kun."

"Ichigo."

"Hm?" Kisuke raised his eyebrows.

"Call me Ichigo. I think that's fair after all this time, isn't it? After everything, I think we're familiar enough to be on a first name basis."

Kisuke hummed lightly as he considered it. "Yes, I suppose we are. Ichigo it is, then. And you can call me Kisuke."

"Alright...Kisuke." Ichigo tried out then name in his mouth, instantly deciding that he liked the way it felt on his tongue.

Kisuke continued on with the difficult conversation. "But, Ichigo...no, you shouldn't have forgotten them. There would be something very wrong if you did. They were your friends. When they died, something died inside of you as well. It's normal to still be mourning them."

"Yeah", Ichigo answered, agreeing with the shopkeeper's words. "I guess if I didn't care about their deaths, I would be no better than Aizen."

A shadow passed over Kisuke's face, unseen to Ichigo. Kisuke made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat.

Ichigo continued, oblivious to the change in the blond's mood. "Do you still think about them?"

"Of course." Kisuke's answer was immediate, filled with honesty. "I can't forget either."

"It must be harder for you. I only knew those in Seiritei for a little over a year before the War. You knew them for centuries."

"That's true. But you can't judge anyone else's pain. It's all separate. It's not fair to say that I'm hurting more than you, or vice versa. A very important man taught me that." The brunette's face flashed into his mind as he talked about him.

Ichigo, unaware of who he was referring to, nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, that makes sense. It just...it's hard, you know. It's not like I can talk to my dad."

"Oh?" Kisuke didn't want to say much on the subject, and let his student lead.

"Yeah. He's not exactly the most mature individual." He paused for a moment. "Though, we had a pretty serious talk last night."

Kisuke raised his eyebrows slightly. If Isshin had been serious, that was something very rare in itself. He couldn't help but wonder what had come of it.

"We talked about you, actually."

"Me?" The blond responded with just a hint of surprise. "Why were you talking about me?"

"Just your relationship. Er. Your friendship." Ichigo awkwardly rushed to reassure him.

Kisuke laughed lightly. "Yes, we do happen to be fairly good friends. Had I never mentioned that?"

Ichigo gave him a dirty look, but they both knew it was meant to be joking. "No, I can't say you did. 'Oh, by the way, Ichigo, your dad is a shinigami and we're best friends forever!' never came up in conversation."

Kisuke waved his fan in front of his face again. "Yes, well, it was a busy time. There were other things on my mind. And to be fair, we both know that wasn't really my story to tell."

"I know." Ichigo truly didn't blame him. He knew that it was father's story, and it wouldn't have been right for Kisuke to be the one to tell him about it. It still would have been nice to know, though.

"Oh, Ichigo, would you like some tea? I'm sorry I forgot to ask earlier. I had just woken up when you came in, so I'm not quite awake yet."

Ichigo shook his head, remembering just what Urahara's tea tasted like. "No, thank you. I'm really not thirsty at all." Then, the second half of his statement sunk in. "Oh, I didn't wake you, did I?" Since it was nearly mid-day, Ichigo had assumed that the man would be awake, but considering that he knew the man had been awake in the middle of the night, his sleeping in would make sense. He began to feel slightly guilty.

Kisuke brushed his statement away. "No, no. Tessai had already woken me up, trying to get me to eat breakfast. I really wasn't hungry, but he can be quite persistent when he wants to be."

"Sounds like dad."

Kisuke considered his words. "Yes, Isshin can be quite...stubborn, at times."

Ichigo laughed. "That's one word for it. I would have picked 'obnoxious'."

"Now, now, Ichigo", Kisuke joked, "you shouldn't talk that way about your father."

"He attacks me every morning before I've ever gotten out of bed! What kind of father is that? He could seriously injure me!"

Kisuke chuckled. "I believe he calls it 'training'."

Ichigo huffed. "'Training', my ass."

An idea dawned on Kisuke. "Speaking of training, how would you feel about a friendly spar? It might help get some of those nasty emotions out of your head."

Ichigo smiled, a real smile that was all too rare these days. "Yeah, I think I would like that. You know, if you aren't too afraid that I'll hurt you."

"Me? You've never even seen my bankai, Ichigo!"

Ichigo barked out a laugh.

"And really, I've seen yours plenty of times. You're always rushing into bankai without a second thought", Kisuke fussed lightly.

"Shuddap. I get the job done, don't I?"

"Yes, I suppose you do, though usually with far more damage to the surrounding architecture than is necessary."

Ichigo scoffed. "Redecorating."

Kisuke rose and began to walk to the trapdoor leading down to his training area. Ichigo followed silently. They went down the ladder and let the door shut above them. Once on the ground, they both popped soul candy and left the mod souls to take care of their bodies. They wouldn't be needing them while they sparred. Kisuke wasted no time before drawing his sword.

"Okiro, Benihime."

Ichigo pulled out his own sword just in time to block the aggressive attack. He began to push back against Urahara. They began to spar in earnest, and both men let go of their respective painful memories for just awhile. They felt free.

**A/N: I'm looking for a beta reader, both for this story and for the various other things I write in the fandom. I need someone to help me with characterization and story flow. If you're interested, please let me know in a review or a PM. I would really appreciate it. Also, please leave a review. I get several story alerts, so I know that people are reading, but people aren't reviewing. It's hard to be inspired to write when I feel like people aren't interested. So know that reviewing will be likely to get the next chapter out to you sooner. Hope you enjoyed!~**


	4. Dreams

_Kisuke frowned down at his cup of tea. It'd been dark for hours now, and Sousuke should have been home long ago. The blond wasn't worried about him having an affair, because neither of them were that kind of man. Commitment and fidelity don't have to be synonymous, and when you live for as long as shinigami do, it's better if they aren't. The two of them had always agreed on that. If one of them took someone else to bed on occasion, it was accepted, and sometimes even encouraged. That worry didn't even cross his mind._

_ What Kisuke worried about was far more practical in nature. Sousuke had always been promoted before him, and Kisuke didn't mind. He was more concerned with experiments than rising through the ranks, and he was proud of his lover for following his goals. But the higher Sousuke rose, the more missions he was sent out on, and the more danger he was put in. Pride or not, no one likes knowing that their lover is in danger. Kisuke sighed lightly and resolutely closed the book he had been skimming through. It was silly of him to be worried. Sousuke was a good fighter, and he probably wasn't in any real danger. And if something did happen to him, Kisuke would have been notified. Their relationship was well known, and someone from the fourth division would have sent out a Hell Butterfly by now, or possibly even come knocking on his door personally._

_ He rose from his chair and stretched his arms over his head. He had a habit of reading while he waited for Sousuke to get home, and it often led to stiff muscles, especially when Sousuke was out late like this. He thought that he might as well get a shower while he was waiting. He picked up his tea and drained the rest of it before walking to the kitchen and putting the cup down in the sink. He turned back to walk to the bathroom, then stopped mid-step as he heard the front door open. He smiled widely. _

_ "Ki-kun, I'm home."_

_ Kisuke forced himself to keep his footsteps even as walked out to the main room to meet his lover. That deep, rich voice had always called to him like a siren, and now, after a long day, was far from the exception. He felt as though his heart skipped a beat as he saw the man waiting for him. He looked tired. His hair was disheveled and his uniform was askew. He had obviously been working hard for the day. Kisuke moved forward to embrace him, his arms wrapping around the slightly taller man's waist comfortably, and his head rested instinctively on Sousuke's broad chest. _

_ "Sou. I missed you."_

_ The brunette smiled down at him and ran long fingers through Kisuke's hair. "I'm sorry. There was a large hollow out in the third district that was giving us a hard time, and the division needed my help. I hurried home as quickly as I could."_

_ Kisuke nuzzled against his chest. "It's fine. Duty calls, after all. You're here now, at least." He smiled in contentment. _

Kisuke's eyes flew open and he found himself staring at the dark shadows of his ceiling. His heart beat was faster than usual, but not at the frantic racing pace that usually accompanied nightmares. The memories always seemed the most vivid, the most real to him. He shut his eyes again. He could almost smell Sousuke's cologne, as though the man had truly been right in front of him. That memory was a fond one, but it ached for other reasons. Now, in the present, he knew why Sousuke had been late coming home that night. His division hadn't been out fighting. No, Sousuke had been away in Hueco Mundo, planning out a grand betrayal. And Kisuke had been awaiting his return with kisses and affection and all the love in the world. It was something else to make him better and place far too much blame on himself.

He briefly considered getting up in order to get himself a cup of tea, or maybe even something stronger. He rarely got through a night without memories, usually of Sousuke, and tonight was obviously not going to be any different. He was so tired, though. He turned over on his side and pulled the blankets up around him, tucking them under his side for added warmth. He forced his breathing to even out, and hoped he could get some more rest before the sun rose. It wasn't long before he was asleep again, slipping into an entirely different kind of dream.

_"Bankai!" Ichigo yelled out the release command, and Kisuke watched as his outfit changed and raw power flowed out from his body. His sword shrunk to a fraction of it's original size, but Kisuke knew better than to be deceived by the change. That blade was deadly, no matter what form it was in. He fell instinctively into a battle stance and let his mind focus on his opponent. _

_ Ichigo didn't waste any time, charging at the shopkeeper with his blade grasped firmly in his hands. Kisuke dodged easily to the left, letting his movements flow naturally as the boy used his momentum to spin around and swing again. Ichigo jumped high and pushed down toward the blond from above. Kisuke countered easily, using Benihime to block the attack. He began to launch his own counter-offensive. _

_ "Nake, Benihime." A large red burst of energy shot out of the blade, which Ichigo blocked easily with his own zanpakuto. Kisuke used the distraction to put himself behind the teen and swing his blade at the exposed back. Ichigo spun with a growl, intercepting the attack. Swords clashed as the two pushed each other back and forth._

_ Then, without warning, Ichigo pulled back and swiped his hand over his face. A mask of bone came down over his features. Kisuke's eyes widened slightly, and before he had a chance to raise his sword in defense, Ichigo yelled at the name of his favored attack. Kisuke saw the energy coming to him, and brought Benihime up in front of him, barely blocking the blow. Dust billowed up around him from a rock that had been destroyed by the blast. He rubbed at his eyes. When he looked up again, the still-masked teenager was right above him, sword pressed lightly to his throat. Kisuke's eyes glittered with pride in his pupil as he dropped his own sword, admitting defeat. _

_ "My, my, Ichigo. It seems that you've gotten better." _

_ Ichigo let the mask drop, and pulled the sword away from his mentor's throat, but didn't otherwise move. Kisuke stared up into deep brown eyes, and he was suddenly deeply aware of his position beneath the boy. Ichigo was looking down at him with an expression torn between lust and confusion. Kisuke felt his breath hitch. Without properly thinking through his actions, he rose up quickly and flipped the boy beneath him. Ichigo didn't resist, and Kisuke brought a hand forward to rub gently against the boy's cheek, as he pressed his leg subtly between Ichigo's. The boy moaned beneath him, making sounds that Kisuke felt down to the bottom of his stomach._

_ "Kisuke." Ichigo's voice was husky, and his eyes darkened as he reached up toward the older man. His hand moved slowly, shakily, mere centimeters away from Kisuke's skin. He craved the touch, knew that it would run through him like fire. He bent to lean down into it. The boy's skin was remarkably warm. He felt his member stir in his pants as Ichigo's hand began to travel lower, reaching teasingly close to Kisuke's growing arousal. _

Kisuke's eyes snapped open and he sat up with a start. He very rarely had sex dreams, and he certainly never had them about people a mere fraction of his age. He rubbed at his tired eyes gently. His spar with the boy earlier that evening must have put the teenager into his mind. The fight had gone well, with both of them getting a good work out. They had both been exhausted after it was over, and Ichigo had gone home in a far better mood than he had arrived in. Having apparently broken his desire to stay away from the shop, Ichigo had asked if he could come back to tomorrow, to visit and talk about old friends. Kisuke, of course, had readily agreed. Now, as his body remembered the dream in vivid detail, he wondered if he had other motives toward the boy that even he wasn't aware of. Either way, he excitedly awaited Ichigo's arrival.

**A/N: I'm sorry that this has taken so long and that it's so short. I recently watched the tv series Sherlock, and all of my attention (and thus fanficing) has unfortunately gone to that. This has been sitting done for weeks, but I wanted to put more with it. However, I don't seem to be inspired, so I figured I would at least submit this much for you guys to read. Please remember to review, and that I'm looking for a beta. **


	5. Shinigami

"Oi, Kisuke!" Ichigo walked through the shopkeeper's door briskly, calling out to the older man.

"Ichigo~", he trilled, trademark hat tipped over his eyes. Moments after the words came out of his mouth he peeked his head around the corner of the door frame. He smiled widely. "Come in."

"I'm already in", Ichigo muttered to himself. 

Kisuke chose to ignore the comment and led Ichigo through the hallway toward one of the extra rooms that was currently unoccupied.

"I hope that you don't mind meeting in here. Tessai is...conducting business in the sitting room."

"It's fine."

"And I'm certainly not letting you anywhere near my lab", he added jokingly as an after-thought.

"Huh? Why not? Do you have top secret stuff in there or something?" He rolled his eyes.

"Well, there is that. But more importantly, there's a lot of sensitive materials, and well...you are kind of known for your tendency toward explosions."

"Only in battles!"

"And how often do you find yourself in battles?"

"Err. Well..." He trailed off.

Kisuke laughed light-heartedly.

"I don't let anyone down there. It's like...my own personal sanctuary."

Ichigo nodded in understanding. "You were a scientist back in the Soul Society, weren't you?"

Kisuke hummed to himself. "Eventually. I started out as an officer of the Onmitsukido. I was their leader, for awhile."

"Yeah, I heard about that. Why did you leave?"

"I got promoted to Captain."

"Oh." There was a long silence. "I guess I can't tell you much about my history."

Kisuke laughed. "I was there for most of it."

"You know Kisuke, I don't think I ever really thanked you."

"For what?" The shopkeeper sat back on his heels.

"For training me. For teaching me a lot of important lessons. For saving my life many times."

"Well", he opened his fan over his face. "You're welcome."

Ichigo nodded at him, then continued talking. "It's almost odd talking to you as an adult. I came into this shop as a kid. I didn't know anything. And now..." Kisuke easily heard the words that had been left unspoken. Now he was far too much of an adult.

Kisuke almost cringed; he probably would have if he hadn't had so much training to control his reactions. Hearing the boy talk about his age made Kisuke feel guilty for the dream he had. No matter what he had been through, Ichigo was still a boy, a human boy, and Kisuke was hundreds of years older than him. It didn't seem that way, though.

"I don't think of you as a kid, Ichigo."

He stared at the boy for a minute, trying unsuccessfully to decipher the thoughts behind his scowl. He didn't find what he wanted and decided to shelve the matter for the time being. He knew better than to keep trying an action that wasn't garnering a result. He would re-calculate and deal with it some other way.

"So, Ichigo!" He made sure that he was back to his cheery self. "Did you have something in mind that you wanted to do today?"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "Err. I thought maybe we could spar some more."

"Hmm. Maybe later. I need some more recuperation time. I'm an old man, after all!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "I watched you fight in a War. What we did last night was barely a warm-up for you and you know it."

"Fair enough. But let's do something else first, yeah?"

"Like what?"

Kisuke pretended to be in thought. "I know! Let's take a walk."

"A walk?" Ichigo looked up at him in confusion.

"Yes, by the river. I haven't been done there in awhile, and it's so beautiful this time of year."

"I guess I've never paid much attention to it..."

"The flowers are just starting to bloom along the bank. It's really quite gorgeous."

"Alright. Let's go then."

"Great. Let me just go tell Tessai that I'll be going out for the day, then I'll be ready."

Kisuke paused at the kitchen door, curling his reiatsu tightly around him to avoid detection. A male voice was saying "Look, we need your help with this. I hate to admit that we can't do it on our own, but we need Urahara-san. After the war..." He trailed off.

Tessai's voice answered. "I understand, Ukitake-taichou. However, the boss has made it clear that he's not interested."

Ukitake's voice was warm when he responded. "Ah, is he around? Negotiations may be easier if I could speak to him personally."

"No, I'm afraid he's not. He's meeting with a friend today."

"Ah, yes, Ichigo. I noticed his reiatsu in the other room. To tell the truth, we were considering approaching him as well."

Kisuke chose that moment to unfurl his reiatsu and come through the door. "You will not. That boy has been through enough thanks to you, and you will not put this pressure on him as well."

Ukitake stood to greet him, holding out his hand. "Urahara-san, it's nice to see you."

Kisuke did not take the hand offered to him, and his voice was firm. "And yourself as well, Ukitake-san, though I wish it was under different circumstances."

Ukitake dropped his hand. "Yes, I understand. However, times are hard. You understand that this is necessary-"

"I know." Kisuke cut him off. "But you will not find the things you need here."

"Can't we discuss it, perhaps over some tea?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I was just leaving for the day, and I'm sure that you have work to get back to at the Soul Society." He turned to Tessai. "Ichigo and I will be out for awhile. I trust that you can take care of the shop while we're gone?"

"Of course, boss."

Kisuke turned back to the white-haired captain. "Have a good evening, Ukitake-san."

"Thank you. I hope you enjoy your outing." He gathered his things and left through the front door.

"Tessai."

"Yes, boss?"

"Make sure he doesn't follow us. I meant what I said about him not approaching Ichigo."

"Understood."

Kisuke rolled up his sleeves and went back to meet Ichigo in the room where he was waiting. "You ready?"

"Yeah. Are we going like this?" He gestured to himself.

"I would like to, yes. I like the feel of the wind on this human body. It's refreshing."

"That's fine with me." He stood up and followed the shopkeeper out of the house.

The two took a leisurely pace, but it still took them mere minutes to get to the river. They walked along the edge, with Ichigo closed to the water.

"The weather's nice today." Kisuke tipped his hat back thoughtfully.

"It is. Unseasonably warm."

Kisuke nodded. "So what have you been doing since I last saw you? I know you finished school."

"Yeah. Top of my class."

Kisuke was surprised. "Even after missing nearly a year? I know you're smart, but that's truly a great feat."

Ichigo chuckled dryly. "I made up a story about some family drama. I had my dad come in to help make it believable, and the teachers took pity on me. They let me make up all the work, so I wasn't really behind anymore."

"That must have been really hard work."

"It was. It was worth it, though. An education is important, and all that."

Kisuke pursed his lips. "Are you planning on going to university?"

"I don't know. I'm taking this year off. I needed...a break."

"Are you still thinking about taking the doctor's position in the clinic?"

"I don't know. It all seems so...normal. It would be hard to go back to that after all this."

Kisuke was silent for awhile, thinking over his options. He was considering bringing it up, but Ichigo beat him to it.

"I may not have much choice. I haven't heard from any of the shinigami since the War ended. It's like I don't matter anymore." Kisuke hummed thoughtfully, but chose not to respond. Ichigo didn't notice, and kept talking. "And the clinic may not even be there anymore. He's been really quiet about it, but Dad keeps implying that he might go to another job."

Kisuke stopped in his tracks. "Hmm. Do you know what job it is?" He started walking again.

"No. Like I said, he's been really secretive about the whole thing."

"You haven't noticed anyone around the house asking about it?"

Ichigo shook his head. "No. It's like he's intentionally keeping it from me." He shoved his hands in his pants pockets. "But that doesn't really make any sense. I already know he's a shinigami. What else is there to hide? I hate secrets."

Kisuke tipped his hat down over his eyes.

"Hey. I know that move. That means you're hiding something. Do you know something about this?"

A shadow passed over Kisuke's eyes before he could reign it in. It only lasted a moment before the fake exuberance was schooled back over his features. "Of course not, Ichigo. How would I know? I'm only a lowly shopkeeper, after all!"

"Don't play that game with me, Kisuke. We're past that point. I know you better than that."

Kisuke looked up, his voice suddenly serious. "Yes, I suppose you do."

Ichigo nodded at him.

The walked the rest of the way in silence.


End file.
